DISABLEDVETERANS.ORG Challenge, ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…

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DisabledVeterans.org Challenge Twas The Night Before Christmas

DisabledVeterans.org Challenge Twas The Night Before Christmas

Benjamin KrauseDISABLEDVETERANS.ORG Challenge- I talked with my parents this Christmas Eve about problems veterans face when getting VA health care services when I remembered this poem and wanted to issue this challenge.

The biggest problem I hear that veterans face is the lack of credibility VA lends us when we have problems with health care providers. Whenever a disagreement occurs, VA always puts the claims of VA officials over those of veterans without addressing credibility or trustworthiness.

My thoughts on that subject led to me musing about the line, “While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.” It made me wonder what it would look like in the dreams of VA emloyees featuring veterans not holding sugar-plums but instead holding audio recorders for each appointment.

Can you imagine what that would be like? Veterans would not longer have to struggle against a faceless bureaucracy when trying to prove what was said when. No, veterans would have concrete evidence in place to rebut negative agency claims.

Personally, I think this would be great in states where it is legal to record with only one party to the recording having knowledge of the recording.

So anyway, to the picture of the challenge, it would be great if some of you would modify the words of this Christmas classic with the backdrop of VA health care. My “go” would be,

“The doctors were nestled all sick in the head, as visions of records danced before them with dread”…

I am not a poet, but I would be curious to see any readers try their two cents. I will give a call out to the best version on a future post.

DISABLEDVETERANS.ORG Challenge, ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

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39 Comments

  1. Heck I can’t sleep. Funny stuff! And one good start. I’ll have to give that some thought while on a store run. I’m kinda feeling like having a good deep and hot platter of Oyster stuffing and bird going. And put some wind in my face.

  2. Merry Christmas Eve to all and here’s just a couple stanzas in a more coffee-needed mind this morning. (use it to wrap decaying fish when done) (did not feel like doing entire thing)

    [Not an employee was stirring, not even nurse mouse;
    The IV’s were hung for the weekend with no care,
    In hopes less Vets remained upon return from their holiday at Veteran Affairs;

    The veterans were beaten by thugs at their beds,
    While visions of sugared-performance bonuses danced in their heads;
    Nurse Ratchet in her latex, and Vet in gag,
    Disruptive Committee blunt trauma for a fat end of year bonus bling swag.]

    • ‘Twas 4 nights before Christmas, as reported by Ben Krause,
      Not an employee was stirring, not even the VA’s infestation of mouse;
      The IV’s were hung for the long weekend with no care,
      In hopes less Vets would be there upon their holiday return from Veteran Affairs;

      The veterans were beaten by thugs with care at their beds,
      While visions of sugared-performance bonuses danced in their evil heads;
      Nurse Ratchet in her latex, and Vets in gags,
      Disruptive Committee smashed brains for a fat end of year bonus swag,

      When out in hallway there arose a loud clatter,
      If not for restraints would see what was the matter.
      My eyes to the windows in a recon flash,
      I see Ron Nessler’s VA IS Lying Billboard being broken and smashed.

      The moon reflecting on what I thought was snow
      Was only the Arizona desert sands reflecting below,
      When, what to my ready to explode bladder should appear,
      But a VA miniature bedpan, is this a joke or a real nightmare,

      (Just an update but may be all I come up with…Christmas is a rather depressing time of year for me for various reasons and has quashed my competitive nature effectively)

      • Great job so Namnibor.

        And I really like the Crossbow comment above.

        Merry Christmas and just want to add Thank You for work here! It has meant something positive for me.

      • Likewise, Jade Helm! Very creative and you also, supportive in a positive way for me and many others here.

        Merry Twisted Christmas! (VA Style)

        I think by end of weekend, Ben should be able to piece a bit together from everyone’s contribution here to make something special.

      • Namnibor I was told by email from Ben Krause write a letter to the committee of Veterans Affairs to share about how to improve Veterans Healthcare please reply back if you give a shit and tell your Veterans friends…….Happy Holidays.

  3. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the VA;
    Not an employee was caring, not even head louse
    The C-Files Docs laid shredded by the dumpster with care
    In the hopes that Vets Claims would soon be denied there

    VA employees were nestled all smug in their beds
    While visions of bonuses danced in their heads

    Just a start more later after coffee

    • ‘Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the VA’s house;
      Not an employee was caring, not even the head louse;
      C-File Docs laid shredded by the dumpsters with care;
      So that Veteran’s Claims, could now be denied there;

      VA employees were nestled all smug in their beds;
      With visions of bonuses, no concern for veterans dead;
      McDonald, Schinazi, and Teva now counting their ill gotten bucks;
      Truly some very very very corrupt Pucks;

      Like the Bucks made by McDonald and Teva when gutting P. & G.;
      Their plan is so simple and easy to see,

      Just updating with more to come.

    • No typing test, in order to qualify, seems an obvious assessment here. How is this germane to Christmas Eve unless the Elves have become Trolls?!

      Christmas Eve VA Trolls all hanging above hearth in a row, may I open my gift early, I want to play with my crossbow?

  4. Twas the night before christmas, they thought it was St. Nick, but it was really the OIG , playing with his d*ck. Fat ass Linda waseating chili dogs while sitting in her chair, with meaningless acronyms ,we no they don’t care. They will flag your record like a communistic hue. They need to stop disrespecting the red, white and blue! Merry X-mas to all!

    • @corpsmanuP!(Tang1967)-

      “Twas the night before christmas, they thought it was St. Nick, but it was really the OIG , playing with his d*ck.”
      ^
      LMAO!!!!!! I needed those endorphins from laughter, that made my Christmas Eve!! Thanks! HAHA!!!

  5. Tis was the night before Christmas.veterans we’re scurrying to get out of the housepital.

    St McDonald checked his list twice not one veteran was found to be nice.they look like mice.slap them twice. It might be right.

    All the veterans were snug in their beds.with thorizine dancing in their heads.straps tied on tight.all thorough the night.to their fright.

    Its all right they will be dead tonight.sleep tight.don’t let the bed bugs bite.

    And to all a good night.ho ho ho.merry Christmas to all .

    Sincerly

    Saint Robert McDonald
    South pole head quarters
    Washington d.c. 000000

  6. @ALL,
    y’all got some great twisted mind’s.
    But as someone once said,

    “There’s truth in comedy!”

    I’m far from being a poet. So until next time,

    “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!”
    “As he flew out of sight!”

      • Another great one on that lines crazyelf, is “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. “[…Some will win, Some will lose, Some were born to sing the blues. Oh, the movie never ends, It goes on and on and on…]”

        (yep, showing my age, or it was going to be Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”)..LOL!
        Thanks for helping me retain my sanity over last year or so. Merry Christmas!

  7. Surprisingly, there are not many words needing changing to be fitting:

    Alarm bells ring, are you listening,
    In the pain, blood is glistening
    A beautiful sight,
    We’re unhappy tonight.
    Walking in a VA wonderland.

    Gone away is the old turd,
    Here to stay is a new turd
    He sings a lame song,
    As we go along,
    Walking in a VA wonderland.

    In the meadow we can build a alibi,
    Then pretend that he is Lying Larry

    He’ll say: Are you harried?
    We’ll say: No man,
    But you can do the job
    When you’re in town.

    Later on, we’ll conspire,
    As we dream by the fire
    To face unafraid,
    The plans that we’ve made,
    Walking in a VA wonderland.

    In the meadow we can build a veteran,
    And pretend that he’s a circus clown
    We’ll have lots of fun with mister veteran,
    Until the other kids knock him down.

    When it bleeds, ain’t it thrilling,
    Though your nose gets a chilling
    We’ll frolic and play, the VA hack way,
    Walking in a VA wonderland.

      • We think alike. Since Marilyn Manson “borrowed” a bit from Alice Cooper and Bowie, will stick with that…and lady gaga doing female duet part dressed as an evil VA Dr. and Alice Cooper (or) Marilyn Manson dressed as evil VA Nurses. HAHA!

        Loved, loved your other prose just submitted as well Nice.

  8. ‘Twas the night before Congress, when all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
    The alibis were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes that St. McDonald soon would be there;

    The veterans were nestled all snug in their meds,
    While visions of caring nurses danced in their heads;
    And mamma in her stethoscope, and I in my cape,
    Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s vape,

    When out down the hall there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the iPhone to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew like a flash,
    Tore open his dressing and threw up on his ass.

    The moon on the bedside of the new-fallen gown
    Gave the lust of mid-day to objects in town,
    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a miniature stent, and eight tiny pills,

    With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick.
    More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

    “Now, Nurse! now, Doctor! now, clerk and psychs!
    On, Chief! on, Shrink! on, Director and Blitzed Again!
    To the top of his pulse! to the top of the gall!
    Now slash away! slash away! slash away all!”

    As dry heaves that before the wild Turkey fly,
    When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
    So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
    With the sleigh full of Meds, and St. McDonald too.

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the set
    The prancing and pawing of each little vet.
    As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
    Down the hallway St. McDonald came with a bound.

    He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
    And his clothes were all tarnished with cigar ashes and soot;
    A bundle of meds he had flung on his back,
    And he looked like a pusher just opening his pack.

    His coins—how they twinkled! his dollars how merry!
    His cheeks were like roses, his ass like a cherry!
    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a sneer
    And the beard of his chin was wet as with beer;

    The stump of a crackpipe he held tight in his teeth,
    And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
    He had broad lies and a little round fellow,
    That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jello.

    He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old quack,
    And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my panic attack;
    A wink of his eye and a twist of my head,
    Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    And denied all the claims; then turned to a jerk,
    And laying his finger aside of his nose,
    And giving a nod, up the ladder he rose;

    He sprang to his Caddy, to his team gave a snivel,
    And away they all flew like the down of a swivel,
    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
    “Happy Bonus to all, and to all a good-night.”

  9. Twas the night before bonuses, when all through the house
    Not a panty was stirring, not even a blouse;
    The wait-times were hung by the PC with care,
    In hopes that St. Candyman soon would be there;

    The doctors were nestled with a nurse in their beds,
    While visions of appeals danced in their heads;
    And mamma in her ’gown, and I in my cap,
    Had just falsified our records for a long winter’s gap,

    When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the bedpan to see what was the matter.
    Away to my phone I flew like a flash,
    To play Hungry Hippos so the time shall pass.

    The IV on the breast of the new-fallen vet
    Gave the lustre of payday to objects to get,
    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a miniature Ipad, and eight tiny beers,

    With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment it must be some prick.
    More rapid than snails his coursers they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

    “Now, Gibson! now, Shulkin! now, Helman and Rubens!
    On, Hickey! on, Halliday! on, Doofus and Ditzy!
    To the top of the claims! to the top of them all!
    Now slash away! slash away! slash away all!”

    As dry leaves that before the wild accusations fly,
    When they meet with an obstacle, mount another lie;
    So up to the house-top the bean counters they flew,
    With the sleigh full of cash, and St. McDonald too.

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the stool
    The prancing and pawing of each little fool.
    As I drew in my head, pictures of vets around,
    Down the chimney St. McDonald came with a bound.

    He was dressed all in spandex, from his head to his foot,
    And his reputation were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
    A bundle of claims he had flung on his back,
    And he looked like a slasher just opening his pack.

    His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
    His cheeks were like roses, his thoughts like a cherry!
    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a snarl
    And the beard of his chin was as white as dead Carl;

    The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
    And the blood it encircled his head like a wreath;
    He had a smug face and a little round eye,
    That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of pie.

    He was cheap and tight, a right dismal old self,
    And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
    A droop of his eye and a twist of his head,
    Soon gave me to know I was going to be dead;

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    And filled all the pockets; then turned with a jerk,
    And laying his finger aside of his ass,
    And laid a big lump, before he passed gas;

    He sprang to his elevator, to his vets gave a finger,
    And away they all flew like a monkey poo flinger,
    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
    “Denials to all, and to all a good-fight.”

    • @91Veteran-

      Thanks for healthy dose of laughter-induced endorphins this Christmas Eve!!! I am glad that I burned all my spandex before end of the 80’s, but now my brain is stained by your imagery of McD in tight spandex and leg in mouth. Thanks, that’s a gift that will keep giving this evening unfortunately. HA!

  10. Yeah, funny. It’s easy to make fun of BSwhen you feel more solid than not. But some of us are really suffering and can’t get any help. I am almost blind now and can’t put together my claims. Merry Christmas.

    • @Toolate

      I actually live with a daily mixed-bag of pain, nasty ass medication side effects, and spend more time in bathroom with chronic gut issues than I really care to freely admit, but I keep placing one step in front of the other, even in spite of serious PTSD and Severe Anxiety Issues.
      If you are starting to lose your vision, please try to get a fellow Vet or friend to help you peruse and search ALL the archived thread posts at hadit dot com. That’s where I spent many months searching past threads in order to fully successfully file my OWN VA 100% Service Connected Disability Claim as well as my SSDI Social Security Disability Insurance Claim, as I had more than enough work credits and fully vested in Social Security.
      As long as you are 100% Service Connected you can also receive SSDI with no offset penalty whatsoever. Fact. Learned that at hadit dot com as well. I hope this helps you help yourself or another help you and please try to have a Merry Christmas with the perspective that there’s *many* Vets out there that have much less than you or I and are in a place where they cannot see what to be truly grateful of.

      If there’s any other way any of us can help you help yourself or point you in direction, please do so here. We DO care. Many times, humor, for good or bad, is indeed a coping mechanism that masks how we really feel…not all is smelling like roses just because we are having some light-hearted fun here at the VA’s expense since their fun is at OUR expense.
      Peace!

  11. Whoever reads this get off your bum bum verbally get in touch with the Veterans Senator Committee tell how you believe Veterans Healthcare can get better and Spread the word to others Veterans yes iam Marine and always be.. the toilet is getting filled.

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